Anxiety and Freshers Week

A roundup of my first week at university

So… it’s been a while

For anyone who follows me on instagram, you might’ve already seen me posting about this but… I’ve been having a very chaotic few weeks to say the least. But, for anyone who doesn’t already know – I’ve started university!

I’ve spent the past three weeks preparing myself – had my final counselling session (very emotional), spoke to my doctor about prescriptions (it’s probably gonna be upped again, yay), packed (… definitely didn’t leave it to the last minute) and had some somewhat tearful goodbyes with my family.

And also my dog

I miss my dog

So I do apologise for that inactivity

As I go on in uni, though, I am hoping to maintain my blog a little better, though likely less knitting content for a while (though check the IG for status reports haha) as I focus on getting settled and starting studies, etc. But I want to take the opportunity to share my experiences starting uni!

So, I admittedly did not have the greatest start to my university experience. A couple of days before I was due to leave, my grandma was admitted into the hospital and my dad drove up in the middle of the night to see her as the doctors warned us that there was nothing they could do

She held out for a couple of days because my grandma’s a stubborn woman like that, but my dad did stay up there with his family while I moved up to Edinburgh. So… the seven hour drive with my mum up to my university accommodation was a… less than ideal way to start my new beginning

I was the fourth of my flatmates to arrive (there’s five of us in total) and genuinely I love my flat so much, I fully lucked out with the accommodation I have and the roommates that I’m sharing with! They’re all completely delightful people and we’re all studying different things, which makes for fascinating conversation across the dinner table (because, yeah, we eat dinner together – we’re that flat)

I had thought I had packed everything I needed for starting my studies but of course, the moment that my mum set off to drive back home I realised just how much I had actually forgotten

Most importantly: a coat

Yes, that’s right. I’m up in Scotland without a coat. And yes, it has rained at least a little bit every day since I arrived

I might have a few regrets

Luckily for me, one of my friends from sixth form actually started their first year at Edinburgh this year as well! So on my first night, we went out for food (side note: pretty sure TGI Friday’s is a cult) and then came back to my flat to socialise with my roommates (because we all know that’s something I’m fantastic at)

But for real, my social anxiety actually hasn’t been anywhere near as bad as I thought it would be this week, and I think that’s in part because of the constant adrenaline I’ve been feeling since arriving, I’m too scared to focus on how nervous I am (didn’t know that was a thing) and also I was just entirely distracted with thoughts of my grandma

I explored Edinburgh the next day – anyone who has not yet started their first year or is thinking of going to university, hear this reminder: BRING COAT HANGERS WITH YOU

With the company of one of my flatmates, I genuinely spent an entire day scouring the streets in the hopes of being able to find coat hangers. Edinburgh doesn’t stock them, I swear down

I’m not going to give you a completely in-depth rundown of my anxiety-filled freshers week, but I do want to say that my accommodation introduced me to “speed friending” which… is pretty much exactly what I’m sure comes to mind initially. It was a wild night and I made friends with the people across the hall from me – and we love making friends!!!!

That was when my week did start hitting the decline, however. The next morning I got the call from my parents letting me know that my grandma had passed away. While I had known the call was going to come, it didn’t make it any easier at all. I had made plans with some new friends to meet up to explore Edinburgh and find where our in-person lectures would be, and it was an awful struggle to try to find the motivation to actually go

In truth, I still can’t quite grasp the fact that she’s gone? It’s difficult to explain as I’m sure that no one reading this had the pleasure of meeting my grandma, but she was the most unbelievably stubborn woman I have ever met and I always thought she’d go on her own terms – after she had seen at least one of her grandchildren married

My flatmates, however, were absolute angels and have continued to be throughout all the shit they have had dumped on them just from having me as a flatmate. They even went along with it when I dragged them out of their rooms in the middle of the night to have hot chocolate with me because I was lonely and desperately wanted company

They haven’t let me be alone with my thoughts too much, and I can’t ever thank them enough for that, because if it weren’t for how wonderful they have been to me despite barely knowing me then I don’t think I would have been managing my anxiety nearly as well as I have been

Anyway, now that I’ve put enough of a downer on this post, let’s move on!

The rest of my freshers was relatively uneventful – a lot of exhausting socialising, a lot of tea drunk and a lot of panicking about starting lectures (which is also why I’m writing this at midnight when I’ve got my very first lecture at eight in the morning lmaooooo coffee is gonna be my best friend this year I can already tell)

Also a lot of drinking – and I do want to say this for anyone who might be worried about starting university. While there is a huge drinking culture in pretty much every university, in particular during Freshers week, please don’t ever feel pressured to partake if you don’t feel comfortable

I know that sounds so hypocritical coming from me just after I said I’d been doing a lot of drinking, but honestly a lot of my flat and other friends I’ve made just aren’t that into that side of things and there’s a huge society within most universities where that’s the case, so yeah – don’t feel pressured into drinking until you feel comfortable to do so! And if you’re gonna get drunk for the first time, do it around people you trust to get you home safely afterwards!

Anyway, that pretty much all I’ve got for the moment – it’s just a little life update for anyone wondering and a couple of anecdotes etc about my first week at uni! I’ll probably write another post in more detail about freshers and starting uni for anyone who is nervous about it (because I was fully shitting it before I got here) which will include what I wish I’d done, what I brought with me, all those kinds of things!

This is more of a stress-update post than anything else so I do apologise for that, but yeah I will be writing more in the future, once I get a hold on everything again – it’s all been a bit much lately with prepping for uni, finishing my course, sorting out medical things and then the awful bombshell that was the news about my grandma, but I’m finally getting motivation up again for the first time since I found out about her, and there’s a new season of Sex Education out so I forsee a lot of stress knitting and writing in my future so stay tuned!

I hope you’re all well! If you have any questions or general things about uni that you want to share, don’t hesitate to contact me! Either by leaving a comment on here or through any of my socials which are linked below!

Thank you for reading!

Freddie 🐸